The Death of Cinco de Mayo
And lo, did the tale of Jon and Brian, two massively unstable drinking partners unbound by time and unshaken by death, come to a bitter, sobbing, wretched end. Let this be a lesson to all: Some doors were never meant to be open, some questions never meant to be asked. If you seek the true meaning of Cinco de Mayo, you seek to stare into the gaping, terrible chasm of eternity. And foolish travelers, believe me when I say the chasm will stare back. And it will tell you.
To shut.
The fuck.
Up.
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