Send a self-addressed envelope with appropriate postage to ASK A LOBSTER, Chicago IL, 60652. Questions will be answered in the order they are received. No question too long, no answer too wrong!
It seems Scruff McGruff has transformed into a lobster over the years.
EVOLUTION MY ASS.
StickySam12.03.11 @ 8:17pm
GAH BRIAN. That face is hard to masturbate to.
Mmara11.07.11 @ 6:22am
lol…I almost couldn’t stop replaying it.
XD11.01.11 @ 12:59am
Brian’s face at the end is fucking PRICELESS.
kovrdzavi bumbar10.30.11 @ 3:20am
my best 5seconds in my love
Not a Lobster...yet01.18.11 @ 12:03pm
MOOAR ask a lobster. MANY MORE. Here’s my question:
How do I get girls to like me?
Lobster:Snap at prey with your big claws.
John Galt12.13.10 @ 11:40pm
uhhuh, uhhuh, kill yourself.
Billy10.30.10 @ 1:27am
Does the lobster sound like he’s doing a bad Robin Williams impression to anyone else?
ts09.16.10 @ 4:19pm
I have a theory34 that Brian’s alter ego is Officer Sminkle.
Derf09.15.10 @ 5:59pm
“By having an erection!” hahaha
@Anom it was multiple 5secvideos. cmooonnnnn.
Anom09.11.10 @ 6:38pm
THIS IS 8TIMES LONGER THAN NORMAL!!!!! But other than that, all of the clips are good.
Toasted09.08.10 @ 6:08pm
@SquidDNA, so good!
Jon needs a haircut. And that lobster voice was fantastic. Aaaaand the soundtrack was perfect. What was it?
Titties and Beer08.24.10 @ 8:34am
Help please:
I can’t the answer to: How do I get a job?
What should grow larger?
Chris.q307.12.10 @ 12:44am
OUTRAGEOUS!
Watched so many times… again and again…
What’s the soundtrack? It freaked my mind!
DAT BANJO06.08.10 @ 11:52pm
DAT BANJO
MineTruly06.05.10 @ 11:58am
That’s what *I* say to people who try to make money off the internet!
... at least, to the spammers.
ChristianH06.04.10 @ 7:35pm
All of these are perfect and should remain a part of my life forever.
MEEKS06.03.10 @ 11:14pm
This may be a new favorite
Adam06.03.10 @ 7:34pm
Please, please, make more of these. Lots, lots more of these
Dividedbyzero05.31.10 @ 1:41pm
Step 1: Kill yourself
Step 2: ???
Step 3: PROFIT!
AMERICANS-STUPED-IDIOTS:D05.30.10 @ 10:19am
you fuck sweatheart wahahaahahahahhahahahahaaa
JB05.29.10 @ 1:11am
See, this is what happens when you take advice from the regular seafloor-scavenging black sea lobsters. If you are able find one, the rare red tree lobsters might give you better answers.
Kylogram05.28.10 @ 9:38pm
I sent my letter but I only got a reply from… Who the fuck is Scruff McGruff?
Kushie05.28.10 @ 9:19pm
Throughout this 5SF, the level of humor grew exponentially until it hit a fucking asymptote.
Ozzy05.28.10 @ 6:42pm
why would you want crabs in the first place…they’re troublesome
MikeA05.28.10 @ 1:43pm
Isn’t that Mcgruff the Crime Dog’s adress????
dev05.28.10 @ 9:04am
I don’t wanna talk to no scientist…
Chrissyb05.28.10 @ 8:42am
Lobster couldn’t tell me how magnets worked. :(
Your Biological Father05.28.10 @ 6:31am
I think that if the “Make Money on the Internet” bit were dropped and the Kelsey-Rubberband moved to the end, this would have been legendary, rather than simply good.
Andrea D'Intino05.28.10 @ 5:05am
AWESOME! Love the “episodes” concept :-D
NAMKCOR05.27.10 @ 10:10pm
I love Brian’s facial expressions.
TheonlyChuck05.27.10 @ 8:37pm
“Okay.”
Kaidou05.27.10 @ 6:30pm
Dammit now I wanna play Monster Hunter because of that lobster…
theperson05.27.10 @ 5:26pm
when i shed my exoskeleton i got fired… fried*
Eatintea05.27.10 @ 4:18pm
Why do people only like me if I’m doused in clarified butter?
onReload05.27.10 @ 3:05pm
@obscurerreference
you have to do step 1 to see step 2. go for it.
The Sentient Houseplant05.27.10 @ 2:58pm
What about ask a houseplant?
I’m sitting here in the corner.
Alone.
obscurerreference05.27.10 @ 2:35pm
Ok… Step 1 for making money off the internet is “Kill Yourself”.... What is Step 2?
AJ_Lenzie05.27.10 @ 2:12pm
It just kept getting funnier! And the last face, i think thats brian, is priceless.
OneRandomEncounter05.27.10 @ 1:20pm
Just brilliant
Rastamussen05.27.10 @ 1:08pm
“how do i gets these off”
“oh your fucked sweetheart”
“WHAT!?”
lmao!
rate43
Vurtax05.27.10 @ 12:52pm
Whoever is doing the voice of the lobster along with boxcar you are one epic voice actor
tay05.27.10 @ 10:23am
Oh… you’re fucked sweetheart… ohhh Kelsey so cute. Nice.
A Random Name05.27.10 @ 10:10am
This, “Hey Kids!”, and “Robodog” are easily my most favorite 5SFs on this site.
Also, the answer to the question “How do I make my penis bigger?” was pretty clever.
YOU LOSE THE INTERNET!!!05.27.10 @ 8:13am
thats what my dad said! the killing myself part.
Brian Firenzi05.27.10 @ 7:54am
@Scruff no, they just share an office building. In fact, they don’t really get along that well.
Scruff05.27.10 @ 7:14am
Waaait is the lobster friends with Scruff McGruff?
deject05.27.10 @ 7:00am
Oh, you’re fucked sweetheart! lmfao
Enabsflow05.27.10 @ 6:58am
Nice, SquidDNA
I laughed at Kelsey’s part. ^_^
Gamecube05.27.10 @ 6:53am
wait a sec you guys dont live in Chicago!
onReload05.27.10 @ 6:06am
^^ I just laughed like an old man at that. yet my captcha is boys64….
SquidDNA05.27.10 @ 6:04am
In high school, a bunch of us had gone to a grocery store late at night out of sheer boredom and in the seafood area they had a freestanding lobster tank with a hinged lid on top, labeled “PLEASE ASK FOR ASSISTANCE.” I lifted up the lid and shouted into the lobster tank “WHERE IS THE RAISIN BRAN???”
JOE05.27.10 @ 6:00am
classic 5sf.
ME05.27.10 @ 5:29am
Er, crap. I thought the earlier post failed to submit, so I resubmitted. FAIL.
ME05.27.10 @ 5:29am
Wow, you’ve never scavenged the sea floor for nutrients?
ME05.27.10 @ 5:12am
Wow… I’ve never heard of it being called, “scavenging the sea floor for nutrients”.... I’ve gotta use that next time.
onReload05.27.10 @ 5:06am
Someone has to tell Ben that hanging banjos are the last thing women want to see in a man’s bedroom.
Schrodinger05.27.10 @ 4:48am
That face Brian makes at the end is creepy o_O
Cloven05.27.10 @ 4:02am
Lobster sticks to magnet.
I just noticed, holy crap Brian you’ve got like werewolf teeth, your upper and lower cuspids are very pointy.
seafloor05.27.10 @ 3:06am
Please, no more. We’re all out of nutrients.
Bojangles05.27.10 @ 2:06am
Lobsters these days are an amazing source of information, and yet i wonder…....how does it talk in such a fantastic manner?
???05.27.10 @ 1:43am
How many times has Brian has or has been asked to kill himself? I’m starting to sense a pattern…
Garlic Butter05.27.10 @ 1:30am
Agreed.
Briham05.27.10 @ 1:30am
I stopped trusting lobster when he starting telling me that crabs were an inferior race who should be rounded up and exterminated.
Comments
XD
It seems Scruff McGruff has transformed into a lobster over the years.
EVOLUTION MY ASS.
GAH BRIAN. That face is hard to masturbate to.
lol…I almost couldn’t stop replaying it.
Brian’s face at the end is fucking PRICELESS.
my best 5seconds in my love
MOOAR ask a lobster. MANY MORE. Here’s my question:
How do I get girls to like me?
Lobster:Snap at prey with your big claws.
uhhuh, uhhuh, kill yourself.
Does the lobster sound like he’s doing a bad Robin Williams impression to anyone else?
I have a theory34 that Brian’s alter ego is Officer Sminkle.
“By having an erection!” hahaha
@Anom it was multiple 5secvideos. cmooonnnnn.
THIS IS 8TIMES LONGER THAN NORMAL!!!!! But other than that, all of the clips are good.
@SquidDNA, so good!
Jon needs a haircut. And that lobster voice was fantastic. Aaaaand the soundtrack was perfect. What was it?
Help please:
I can’t the answer to: How do I get a job?
What should grow larger?
OUTRAGEOUS!
Watched so many times… again and again…
What’s the soundtrack? It freaked my mind!
DAT BANJO
That’s what *I* say to people who try to make money off the internet!
... at least, to the spammers.
All of these are perfect and should remain a part of my life forever.
This may be a new favorite
Please, please, make more of these. Lots, lots more of these
Step 1: Kill yourself
Step 2: ???
Step 3: PROFIT!
you fuck sweatheart wahahaahahahahhahahahahaaa
See, this is what happens when you take advice from the regular seafloor-scavenging black sea lobsters. If you are able find one, the rare red tree lobsters might give you better answers.
I sent my letter but I only got a reply from… Who the fuck is Scruff McGruff?
Throughout this 5SF, the level of humor grew exponentially until it hit a fucking asymptote.
why would you want crabs in the first place…they’re troublesome
Isn’t that Mcgruff the Crime Dog’s adress????
I don’t wanna talk to no scientist…
Lobster couldn’t tell me how magnets worked. :(
I think that if the “Make Money on the Internet” bit were dropped and the Kelsey-Rubberband moved to the end, this would have been legendary, rather than simply good.
AWESOME! Love the “episodes” concept :-D
I love Brian’s facial expressions.
“Okay.”
Dammit now I wanna play Monster Hunter because of that lobster…
when i shed my exoskeleton i got fired… fried*
Why do people only like me if I’m doused in clarified butter?
@obscurerreference
you have to do step 1 to see step 2. go for it.
What about ask a houseplant?
I’m sitting here in the corner.
Alone.
Ok… Step 1 for making money off the internet is “Kill Yourself”.... What is Step 2?
It just kept getting funnier! And the last face, i think thats brian, is priceless.
Just brilliant
“how do i gets these off”
“oh your fucked sweetheart”
“WHAT!?”
lmao!
rate43
Whoever is doing the voice of the lobster along with boxcar you are one epic voice actor
Oh… you’re fucked sweetheart… ohhh Kelsey so cute. Nice.
This, “Hey Kids!”, and “Robodog” are easily my most favorite 5SFs on this site.
Also, the answer to the question “How do I make my penis bigger?” was pretty clever.
thats what my dad said! the killing myself part.
@Scruff no, they just share an office building. In fact, they don’t really get along that well.
Waaait is the lobster friends with Scruff McGruff?
Oh, you’re fucked sweetheart! lmfao
Nice, SquidDNA
I laughed at Kelsey’s part. ^_^
wait a sec you guys dont live in Chicago!
^^ I just laughed like an old man at that. yet my captcha is boys64….
In high school, a bunch of us had gone to a grocery store late at night out of sheer boredom and in the seafood area they had a freestanding lobster tank with a hinged lid on top, labeled “PLEASE ASK FOR ASSISTANCE.” I lifted up the lid and shouted into the lobster tank “WHERE IS THE RAISIN BRAN???”
classic 5sf.
Er, crap. I thought the earlier post failed to submit, so I resubmitted. FAIL.
Wow, you’ve never scavenged the sea floor for nutrients?
Wow… I’ve never heard of it being called, “scavenging the sea floor for nutrients”.... I’ve gotta use that next time.
Someone has to tell Ben that hanging banjos are the last thing women want to see in a man’s bedroom.
That face Brian makes at the end is creepy o_O
Lobster sticks to magnet.
I just noticed, holy crap Brian you’ve got like werewolf teeth, your upper and lower cuspids are very pointy.
Please, no more. We’re all out of nutrients.
Lobsters these days are an amazing source of information, and yet i wonder…....how does it talk in such a fantastic manner?
How many times has Brian has or has been asked to kill himself? I’m starting to sense a pattern…
Agreed.
I stopped trusting lobster when he starting telling me that crabs were an inferior race who should be rounded up and exterminated.