Confused Dick

Last Film Last Film
In traditional noir narratives, the Femme Fatale often leads the Detective down a dark, seedy path, from which the only escape is opening the closet door.


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  • Oh Hello 08.23.12 @ 2:22pm

    Goodbye Pork Pie Hat, Charles Mingus! Almost couldn’t believe it when I heard it. Stay classy, 5sf.

  • lil rousse 08.23.12 @ 11:13am

    whiskey dick?

  • epoxy 08.21.12 @ 7:00pm


    “It was only then, face-to-groin with a naked man and his erect penis, that the final clue hit me: I’m terrible at handjobs.”

  • SK(FUCKINGSHI) 08.21.12 @ 6:11pm

    I just looked at this again and realized that she put a gun in her purse.

    Also, please make an episode where he investigates.

  • DerVikingTron 08.19.12 @ 4:55pm

    Glad to see Olivia took time away from her busy life as a movie stare to get back to her roots, To what shes best at: looking stunningly gorgeous for 2sec out of 5.

  • NN 08.18.12 @ 6:35pm

    Yeeeeeee Mingus!

  • Srsly tho 08.17.12 @ 4:52pm

    I want to investigate whether I’m gay with the help of Olivia.

  • Moscow Muleskinner 08.17.12 @ 4:42pm

    If you’re using Mingus, shouldn’t the detective be wearing a pork pie hat?

  • asdfghjkl 08.17.12 @ 3:32am

    Oh, great, now I need to masturbate

  • I AM a commenter 08.17.12 @ 2:41am

    Best 5SF for a long time, great work! Olivia playing the femme fatal excellently. Shame Dick was soft the poor guy.

    Please don’t make an episode where he investigates…..

  • LP 08.16.12 @ 8:19pm

    Is that Charles Mingus for the soundtrack?  Classy!

  • Ashe 08.16.12 @ 7:14pm

    Charles Mingus! :D

  • Pastor_of_Muppets 08.16.12 @ 8:16am

    @ Agate: yes.

  • kalvynevans 08.16.12 @ 8:05am


    “Is this heaven?!?” “No…”



    “I’m just kidding, you can touch ‘em!”

  • Yoyo-dada 08.16.12 @ 6:42am

    #teamolivia FUCK YA, This is WHY AMERICA IS GREAT!

  • Mr Thursday 08.16.12 @ 12:51am

    @Joshua: That’s, like, totally rude, man! Who would want to impregnate Olivia anyway? I mean, just look at that gorgeous body, it’s absolutely disgusting!

  • Joshua 08.15.12 @ 9:30pm

    I see Olivia is covering her tummy with her purse. Secret pregnancy?!

  • BMDNERD 08.15.12 @ 9:00pm

    Olivia is back!

  • Agate 08.15.12 @ 5:19pm

    Is it me or do the 5SF comments get creepier every month?

  • Pastor_of_Muppets 08.15.12 @ 4:12pm

    @mrousselet: I’m guessing Olivia either:

    1.  Stayed away from the comments section entirely today
    2.  Did look and is smirking or rolling her eyes

  • Shenanigans! 08.15.12 @ 10:54am

    Coincidentally, she was in secret one of those evil robot ladies with teeth down there to slice off a poor man’s Dick. So this Dick will have his softness for another day.

  • Nate-Dawg 08.15.12 @ 10:54am

    Olivia’s back? 

    Ehh… At least she looks great in the video.


  • mrousselet 08.15.12 @ 10:39am

    @ O_O

    You must be new here

  • O_O 08.15.12 @ 8:19am

    Wait, was there a video today? Sorry, I was distracted by that beautiful woman up there.

    But seriously, whoever you are, you are a gorgeous woman.

  • Pastor_of_Muppets 08.15.12 @ 7:46am

    O.o /falls out of chair

    That does it.  I just confirmed I am NOT gay.

    ... Although, perhaps more research is in order…

    /I give this video five punches of the F5 key
    //aw who am I kidding?  At least 100 punches

  • Oatmeal 08.15.12 @ 5:05am

    Its about time we got some more Olivia, my penis is once again pleased.

  • Here's the thing,... 08.15.12 @ 3:06am

    Maybe it just means he want her to be a top.

  • Here's the thing,... 08.15.12 @ 3:05am

    “I took one whiff and knew right away what it was…amyl nitrate. I loosened my tie (it was cutting into my wrists), bit down on the belt and waited, tense as an unclenched fist.”

    -excerpt from Dick Boniface novel, ‘The Mystery Of The Blonde Beard.’

  • padurn 08.15.12 @ 2:42am

    Go ahead and investigate - just be ready for more police intimidation. That should set you straight.

  • Nosferatu's in my pants 08.15.12 @ 2:22am


    I think it’s Renegade’s bisexual great uncle…

  • TheOnlyChuck 08.15.12 @ 1:23am

    Renegade pervert has been shot.

  • Man Solo 08.15.12 @ 12:38am

    dat Olivia look.

  • Mr. Fish 08.15.12 @ 12:15am

    Another private dick in a coat?

    Also, nice music.

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