Emo Kids All Grown Up
Well technically, a third of his life is only over if he lives to be 90. Which, based on his paleo/vegan diet, means it's highly likely. But based on his penchant for writing poems about idiot libertarian girls who don't notice him while laying down in rush hour traffic, it means he probably doesn't have a chance. But if the rest of the drivers are really super-attentive, helloooo 90 years old! But if some of those drivers are "idiot libertarian girls," he's fucked.