Stern British Matron

Last Film Last Film
If you accomplish something minor, look over your shoulder. If you're about to humblebrag to someone about your angry birds score, think twice. Because the matron is always watching. And her tea is hot.


  • bob 04.28.14 @ 10:12am

    in reply to shayshay
    I am british and no british people talk like that except the queen

  • ts 12.28.11 @ 7:10pm

    I’m observing a moment of silence for the Stella that had to die during that second skit.  I hope it was empty.

  • SputNik 12.23.11 @ 4:42pm

    Aside from this being hilarious, just think how many times they would have said “I don’t like you” to that baby in order to train him/her. You must suffer for your art, even if it leads to sudden mental breakdown due to exposed memories whilst under hypnosis.

    Also “Sorry shit-dick” just made that first sketch!

  • B13 12.18.11 @ 4:49pm

    shayshay - awesome you’d say that lol; gotta love Maria.

  • ts 12.15.11 @ 9:25pm

    wut was right.  i’m too much of a dubstep hipster to ever set foot in a starbux.  i was at intelligensia two blocks down and knocked him over from 800 yards.

    kind of a sad story really.  the blast pushed him into a frappucino maker and he got completely…frapped.  they’ve put up a tip jar for his funeral expenses if you want to throw an extra fifteen cents in.

  • shayshay 12.11.11 @ 6:36pm

    I was going to say, “Wow, her accent sounds fake…”

    Then I realized my only conception of British accents is based loosely on movies and television, and that would be a completely ignorant thing to say.

    Good job, Maria!

  • pangea 12.09.11 @ 5:39am

    So ts is one of those assholes too occupied with his cellphone to pay for his items and get out of the way of other customers.

  • wut 12.06.11 @ 10:38am

    Were you watching it inline? or… like did it just go that far? while you were ordering? headphones?

  • ts 12.06.11 @ 9:03am

    The “sorry shitdick” line made me shoot my morning coffee out my nose.  You owe Starbucks a new barista.

  • shnarf 12.05.11 @ 12:57am

    I did megalulz!
    Also can we just all agree that firenzi is punching waaaaay above his weight.

  • Han Solo 12.05.11 @ 12:56am

    You hear that, 5SF? You are my life.

  • Han Solo 12.05.11 @ 12:56am

    I think she’s great, regardless of her accent. Sure, Kelsey and Liv are amazing, but there’s always room for more females in my life.


  • Carl 12.03.11 @ 1:10pm

    Are the A- and A+ tests the same prop?

  • Breaded breakfast dish 12.03.11 @ 7:16am

    I’m a real English muffin, and I can say unequivocally that there is no way she is a real breakfast food.

  • Stern German Commisar 12.03.11 @ 12:22am


  • Jeremy 12.02.11 @ 9:24pm

    Eh she doesnt do it for me. Where are Kelsey and Olivia when you want it done for you? Im only a creep on the internet folks!

  • TCook 12.02.11 @ 8:31pm

    I’m sure she’s far more lenient with her TIRAMASUUUUUUUUUUUU.

  • Araphax 12.02.11 @ 5:38pm



  • tgells 12.02.11 @ 4:46pm


  • Sterner British Thor-axe 12.02.11 @ 4:14pm

    She did alright, could have been more condescending though. *sips tea*

  • Rogue Deviant 12.02.11 @ 2:40pm

    @Kalvyn Evans: My guess, since the shot was on the back of the baby’s head, is that they had her point at the picture, then had her say ‘Polk,’ then dubbed it over the clip.

  • Rogue Deviant 12.02.11 @ 2:35pm

    Thing is, he’s not even apologizing, he’s just calling him a ‘sorry shitdick.’

  • ehh 12.02.11 @ 1:47pm


  • Me_Goddammit 12.02.11 @ 1:30pm

    Wow, it’s true, women ARE to blame for there being no tea in this.

  • Me_Goddammit 12.02.11 @ 1:28pm

    That’s hot.

    Oh, and shitdick.

  • Alex 12.02.11 @ 12:43pm

    Whoever has said that Maria isn’t British, you are wrongggg.

  • Rob cont 12.02.11 @ 12:28pm

    her natural accent*

  • Rob 12.02.11 @ 12:26pm

    Seriously, Maria is English. The fact that you doubt it is testament to how awesome she is at acting that you even think she’s acting when she’s using her natural acting.

  • british 12.02.11 @ 12:02pm

    Hi ‘Maria’ (if that’s your REAL name), I am actually genuinely English..and your accent… is not

  • Jess 12.02.11 @ 11:35am

    Grant’s back?!


  • Kalvyn Evans 12.02.11 @ 11:12am

    Yeah, she looks nothing like a british matron, way too hot. But how in the HELL did you get a baby to pick out James K. Polk?

  • Rogue Deviant 12.02.11 @ 10:34am

    Unless you’re looking for ‘stern British au pair,’ which is a whole different kink. !D

  • Rogue Deviant 12.02.11 @ 10:32am

    I feel like it’s more of a bitchy Dynasty vibe. You want a stern matron, you need to plain Maria out a little, a severe bun, a pair of ugly glasses, stuff like that.

  • Kryslewin4 12.02.11 @ 10:22am

    I know what I WANT for Christmas! O.o

  • Rogue Deviant 12.02.11 @ 10:21am

    So his brother got an A+? Hmm. Intriguing, since he has THE SAME TEST PAPER!!! DUN-DUN-DAAAAH!!!

  • Rogue Deviant 12.02.11 @ 10:18am

    So Brian finally wrote sketches out of his girlfriend’s sex-talk. Bold. !D

  • Maria 12.02.11 @ 9:48am

    Hi ‘British’, I am actually genuinely English…grew up in North London my entire life…haha that is my normal voice :/

  • 5dollarfootlong 12.02.11 @ 8:43am

    Maria can condescend me all day long.

  • british 12.02.11 @ 6:48am

    terrible british accent, should have just used her normal voice…

  • theon 12.02.11 @ 5:37am

    best 20sf ever created in the stone age mhahahahahahahaha

    but realy it is AWSOME

  • Adrià 12.02.11 @ 5:32am

    Screw that… I’m buying a shotgun…

  • Oatmeal 12.02.11 @ 5:17am

    She is as pretty as she is confidence crushing.

  • Some Guy 12.02.11 @ 3:45am

    Ah, a rare Maria sighting. Jolly good.

  • Andrew 12.02.11 @ 3:04am


    5SF have done it again, great vid

  • WATF 12.02.11 @ 12:25am


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