The Fire Island Players Present: 5-Second Films (Ed Wood 2007)

The year after our “Slippery When Wet” entry in the annual 24-hour filmmaking competition at USC (“5 Seconds of Slip”), we stepped it up and brought our B-minus game with a deeper crew, two cameras and luckily a better prompt: “My Eyes Are Killing Me.” Also, I guess we had to include a mirror or something. Many consider this 5secondfilms’ crowning achievement, for The Brilliant Dr. Eye alone, and I’m not in a real position to say otherwise, since it’s the only reason we could have possibly won Best Picture and Audience Choice come awards night. Many thanks to all who participated, the cookies were delicious and the Night Train was pungent.

Luke Thornley11.08.08 @ 2:47pm

Best song ever!!

James1.18.09 @ 3:18pm

this shit sucked

john1.18.09 @ 5:06pm

“This is my dad’s stapler, he never keeps it loaded”
LMAO

Enabsflow1.19.09 @ 8:34pm

Loved the last one.

“NO! GIVE HIM AIDS!” Saw it on cracked.com.

Random and short. I like this. Where are you guys in the US?

ChaztheWeasel1.19.09 @ 8:56pm

OHHH FUUUCK you have no idea how much that last one got to me. That song is on my iPod, too. Too great.

Lishfips1.19.09 @ 9:31pm

“Gay” to mean “bad” is discriminatory. Not to mention lazy writing.

Mockmaw231.22.09 @ 10:04am

Bad grammer and punctuation is also lazy. You are also discriminating against lazy people. Bravo on being everything you criticized for.

Jim1.25.09 @ 11:43am

K, so, lishfips and mockmaw23, since the original context has been deleted, there’s really no point in arguing. This is 5sf, not YouTube.

Ryan T1.30.09 @ 4:36pm

Not sure why, but the “Papa loves mambo” part makes me laugh every time. The guy kind of looks like Ben Stiller.

Kate2.03.09 @ 11:09pm

I’m not going to lie, I fantasize about Dr. Eye.

Look, he’s even got me writing poetry.

Mechafox2.07.09 @ 8:31am

Me are killing my eyes!

8bitch2.11.09 @ 7:09pm

That blonde kid looks like a cross between Art Garfunkel and Seth Rogan. Strangely hot.

Keeper2.19.09 @ 11:41am

In the future, films will all be made this way!

Hich172.23.09 @ 6:33pm

Pooh flipping out makes me do backflips and fistpumps. Epic.

Rob3.18.09 @ 7:17am

None of this was funny. WTF???

v3.19.09 @ 6:04pm

My eyes are in tears. my stomach in cramps, my voice is gon. Thank you. Monty Pythonish this stuff of yours . Lovin it Keep it up!

Kevin4.02.09 @ 1:43pm

OWWW!!

Kevin4.02.09 @ 1:48pm

what a perfect ending

Steve4.14.09 @ 8:10pm

Was that Ray Stokes!?!

Joe-Mac4.19.09 @ 11:39am

3:22 my girlfriend has that shirt. she also has a giant eyeball as a head.

davey5.03.09 @ 10:36am

couldn’t finish it. :C i did not enjoy this at all.

dwhee5.13.09 @ 7:49pm

Not their best… I suppose it’s good that they label it their ‘crowning achievement’ in the descrip because they’ve done so much better since.

personally, i like it when they’re not restricted to themes. it’s funny occasionally, but it’s not good for their format.

is markers giving you aids an urban myth or something?

dwhee5.13.09 @ 7:50pm

‘“Gay” to mean “bad” is discriminatory. Not to mention lazy writing.’

It’s also hilarious, fag.

midsentence5.16.09 @ 12:59pm

i heart the ping pong girl.

clay5.20.09 @ 4:28pm

anyway you want it by rise against, nice

flystatic5.24.09 @ 5:05am

2.50 Haha!
“NO!!! Give him aids!”

El Liamo5.25.09 @ 3:11pm

I don’t get all the crap about the mirrors. I mean, what the hell was that all about?

bobs5.29.09 @ 5:21pm

magnificent beyond comprehension

man living in your sink6.01.09 @ 5:57pm

in the future, we will all listen to music like this! *stabs eye with earphones* ANY WAY U WANT IT!!

man living in your sink6.03.09 @ 1:05pm

...............
my EARS are killing me… rofl

Mega Straight6.03.09 @ 9:33pm

I watched this compilation once for every genital you own.
every.
genital.
you.
own.

Earthbreaker6.04.09 @ 2:14am

I still think the first is my favourite…
PENGUIN!!! ?! >: <

Your Biological Father6.15.09 @ 11:50am

- Midsentence: “I heart the ping pong girl”

As do I!

Also of note is the chat text during the eyeChat segment. One of the people typing needed to be reminded whether they were acting as the guy or the girl.

7ru7h6.18.09 @ 8:51pm

Wrong clay, that “was anyway you want it” by JOURNEY, not rise against, although their cover isn’t bad

miky6.30.09 @ 11:11pm

shhhh eye like to watch

Squeamish7.02.09 @ 4:22pm

GIVE HIM AIDS

I believe I’ve found my universal answer to everything.

Jarsh7.06.09 @ 1:41pm

we only serve chicken

i love you guys

Astro7.07.09 @ 3:41am

Mateus led me to you.

This is fabulous.

D7DN3RD7.13.09 @ 8:13pm

Meh, could of been better, maybe be even more abrupt?

sun glasses8.02.09 @ 8:43pm

Thanks. I believe I’ve found my universal answer to everything.

sun glasses8.02.09 @ 8:44pm

Thanks. I believe I’ve found my universal answer to everything.sunglasses

vbulletin hosting8.06.09 @ 5:53am

Video is not working at my side do you remove it—- or its some other problem.

Emily8.09.09 @ 7:33pm

eyePod made me laugh. You guys are freaking brilliant.

Matthew8.17.09 @ 6:11am

You guys have outdone yourselves with this one.

The Moose8.19.09 @ 9:26am

LAWL @ the old ass connection noise when he stabs his eye… lmao… excellent jerb

nintendude7948.21.09 @ 3:05pm

I appreciate the A Beautiful Mind reference at 2:49. Even though it wasn’t funny. (: This is mostly great, fantastic job guys.

sd9.08.09 @ 7:06pm

HOLY SHIT MAX GEIGER FROM DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Anon9.11.09 @ 7:28am

Pause at the 2:56 (eyeChat) (Am I supposed to be the guy or the girl?) hahhh.

Supplement Deals9.14.09 @ 12:22am

Crazy film

YES9.21.09 @ 10:00pm

is that the guy from Deadliest Warrior?

the one and only...10.05.09 @ 4:33pm

no! give him AIDS!

:O10.07.09 @ 7:38am

omg it is!!! max geiger!! lol

Barc0d3sn1p3r10.21.09 @ 6:45pm

No matter how many times I see Dr. Eye It doesn’t get old! Lolz

RamJammin10.22.09 @ 12:48am

Is that the Max Geiger from “Deadliest Warrior”? hahaha!

Timmy Don't Piss On That!10.26.09 @ 7:13pm

notice the abundance of eyes and lack of other body parts WTF WHY DONT YOU LOVE NOSES!

mombo11.17.09 @ 6:39pm

papa loves mombo….....MOMBOOO! lol that was so weird

Flarg1.18.10 @ 6:25pm

Who are they refrencing at Ne Dean?

Oathkeeper1.29.10 @ 6:32pm

love your guys work. just found the site the other day, is the fire island players a Last Airbender reference by chance?

wolfagar2.14.10 @ 12:18pm

hahahaha the last one is awesome!!

ParadoxBG2.22.10 @ 10:17pm

I was upset at first because I was hoping the credits were going from shortest names to longest, and I was let down. But then I realized they formed the shape of a rough phallus, and I felt better. :D

Josh5.28.10 @ 11:42pm

YES THE EYE OF SARON!!!!!

Jimmydadean6.10.10 @ 10:36pm

Holy crap! That guy is on Deadliest Warrior now! Nerdgasm!

Jack6.22.10 @ 11:44am

No, give him AIDS!

poozu6.27.10 @ 1:26pm

DUDE, THATS THE GUY FROM DEADLIEST WARRIOR!!!!!!!!! Sorry dude didn’t see ur other blog… Chuck Norris will now kill me because of the redundancy!

ModelOZX7.12.10 @ 1:47am

I don’t have a witty comment because you all took the ones I had.
FORK YOU!

Phil McCormick7.29.10 @ 12:41am

Wow! Anti-gay and homophobic skits are SO funny! Ha. Ha. Ha. I thought you dudes were cool until I saw this shit.