Useless Fact Cowboy: Spring Break Edition

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He could also show you how to surf on the back of a sea otter. But you're not ready for that useless information yet, you stupid youngling.

Comments

  • NonconformistShitheadWhoHatesHipstersButIsOne 05.16.12 @ 4:21pm

    Should have pee’d on his foot and then told him why it helps. Perverts need a better rep.

  • YOU LOSE THE INTERNET!!! 04.19.12 @ 5:55pm

    You know what else helps stop the burn? A heaping helping of FRUIT SLAM!!!

  • Pastor_of_Muppets 04.19.12 @ 9:19am

    I give this video three burning pees.

  • Herp 04.18.12 @ 11:07pm

    Useless fact cowboy is my new favorite

  • padurn 04.18.12 @ 10:51pm

    Wait, why is it a man’s pee?

  • padurn 04.18.12 @ 9:33pm

    Pee jokes take me home. In bed.

  • Matt Damon 04.18.12 @ 3:36pm

    So probably you should have just stayed at the ocean then.

  • kalvynevans 04.18.12 @ 2:26pm

    Vinegar doesn’t even help. I once stepped on a sea urchin, and when I went to a hospital, all they did is put vinegar on it and give me a tetanus shot.

    However, my landlady was a retired nurse, and she knew what to really do. Soak the foot in warm salt water. Stopped the pain, and made all the needles loosen up so I could take them out like splinters.

    True story.

  • Contrariwise 04.18.12 @ 11:56am

    A useless fact is irrelevant to the situation at hand. So this is a not a useless fact. Rather, it’s relevant and intended to be helpful. Therefore useful. The implication that pee is not immediately available not prevailing, because we can presume that pee could be obtained, and fairly easily, as this is spring break at the beach.

    However, this is all meta because it’s apparently wrong. A diabolically clever twist! So we have not a fact. Children, what we have here is a useful fiction offered by a useless fact cowboy.

    I’m gonna ponder this mobius plot line all afternoon.

  • mike 04.18.12 @ 7:33am

    I didn’t know saying the words “Useless facts” in the same sentence was an invitation to add your own. 
    I’m going to try this in everyday life now

  • Quizlibet 04.18.12 @ 6:45am

    Actually, urine could cause the sting to release more venom, increasing the pain.

  • Steve Zissou 04.18.12 @ 1:57am

    DancingFox is correct. Acidic things such as vinegar will help deactivate the nematocysts, or stinging cells in the tentacles and neutralize the sting.

  • Mr Wednesday 04.18.12 @ 1:37am

    The number of useless facts is too damn low!

  • DancingFox 04.18.12 @ 1:26am

    Not actually true!  Vinegar.  Funnily enough, this is information in the EMT textbook, valid stuff we’re expected to know.

  • Llamaqueen 04.18.12 @ 12:15am

    no jellyfish were harmed in the making of this sketch

  • kalvynevans 04.18.12 @ 12:02am

    I’ll pee on you!

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